My Lemon Peeler Vision

As a kid I was shy, quiet and reserved [not much has changedJ] and kept pretty much to myself.  In the summer I would tag along with my Dad when he went to cash his paycheck.  On the drive to the bank we would always pass by a familiar bike shop.  To a kid that was like the new car dealer where you could not wait to go in to see and smell all the new merchandise.  Every now and then my dad would visit the service department, which gave me the opportunity to happily kill time in the showroom.  During one particular summer, the Schwinn Bicycle Company had introduced a brand new line of bikes, known as stingrays.  I will never forget the moment I first laid eyes on those magnificent machines: Lemon Peeler, Orange Krate, Apple Krate, Pea Picker.  I was in kid heaven until I saw the price tag, then reality took a bite out of any joy I had.  The price of that bike was over $100, an insurmountable amount of money to a 12 year old kid who was not the best at saving money.

Once I saw those bikes I could not stop thinking about them.  The reality was that my parents were in no position to afford one mainly because there were three other children and all of the financial responsibilities in raising a family.  I let it be known to my few friends and neighbors that I really wanted that bike and thought nothing more of just communicating my dream to own it.  Of course, hope against hope I wished my parents would get me that bike for my birthday or Christmas but that was not to be.

Yet, I was not willing to give up My Vision of getting that bike.  So I decided to reach out to someone I thought could help me.  .  I had learned from my parents that an old neighbor who moved away had taken a job with the manufacturer of the front brake drum that supplied the Schwinn Company.  I wrote him a letter asking him if he could help me.  The following summer my dad received a letter instructing him to take me to the bike shop to pick out a brand new Schwinn Lemon Peeler and that it was paid in full.

It was only until recently that I gained insight into how important that event was in my life and not just the fact that I got a bike for free.  The big lesson for me was that when you have a vision or a dream and do not necessarily have the means to accomplish it, just letting others know about it can help you obtain the dream with their help.  However, if no one knows about your dream or your vision except you – then it is really difficult, if not downright impossible, for it to happen. 

My challenge to you is to take the time to write your vision or visions down and then share, share, share…you might just be surprised at how the universe responds once you let your intentions be known.

Breakdown or Break through?

Recently, I heard a client describe the behavior of his father at the funeral of one of his father’s closest friends.  The client stated that it was the only time in his life that he had seen his father “breakdown and cry”. His choice of the word “breakdown” really stayed with me.I suggested to the client that maybe it was not necessarily a “breakdown” but possibly a break through!  He had described his father as someone who kept his feelings all bottled up inside and yet for this one brief moment; he allowed them to spill out for others to see.

Many us of think that crying is a sign of weakness, but is it really?  In my doctoral study days I was volunteered in a dual diagnosis clinic, specializing in drug and alcohol addiction.  I used to run an intervention weekly where I would challenge the people to think about their addiction and emotional responses from different perspectives.  One day I came into the classroom with two balloons.  One was orange and was just hanging limp without air, the other was blue and filled to the breaking point with water.  When I asked whom in the room thought crying was a sign of weakness, all had emphatically raised their hands.  I responded that the water-filled balloon symbolized those who thought expressing vulnerability signified that he or she was powerless.  I went on to explain that anyone expressing his or her emotion was represented by the orange one. 

To really drive home my point, I retrieved a sharp, metal tack from the cork board in the room.   Holding the tack in front of the orange balloon, I explained that when we get hurt emotionally by difficult situations and experiences in life and are clearly able to express how we felt – "it is the equivalent of pushing the tack through the un-inflated balloon; it just flops aside."  Carefully holding the blue balloon up and positioning the tack – which resulted in everyone jumping up to get out of the way – I further explained that holding in your pain and sadness was what truly compromised your ability to appear tough!  So think about giving yourself permission to break through to being more spiritually, emotionally and physically strengthened!  It's OK to cry!

Arousal - It's what's on the menu tonight!

 We need to challenge how we understand sex and sexuality if we ever hope to bring about lasting change that is helpful, healing and nurturing. 

Let’s take a look at what we understand about arousal – getting turned on – horny – “in the mood”, etc. For most getting aroused is only a prelude for what is yet to come. It seems as though some of us have been conditioned to respond immediately when we feel aroused to find release and rid ourselves of this distracting feeling. In crude terms, arousal can be seen as the triggering event that most of us react to in preparing our bodies to eventually spasm so that we no longer have to feel aroused. 

Why does it need to be that way? 

Long ago and far away, I recall hearing something to the effect that "once a boy/man gets sexually aroused he will need to find release"…Again, why is that? Why not let the sexual energy that is built up through arousal just be allowed to run its course, probably just like it did when you experienced your very first sexual feeling way back when. Right or wrong, I think we tend to condition ourselves around certain notions that few ever question. I am not saying that arousal should not lead to sexual satisfaction – I am just asking why arousal in and of itself, at times, cannot be considered a sexually satisfying event? 

Think of the last time when you were aroused and there was no sexual release available – did you savor the flavor or just try to lose the feeling altogether? I think many believe that this type of activity would directly lead to sexual frustration. I am suggesting using arousal the way many in the kitchen have allowed foods to simmer and enjoy the aroma. Think of arousal in the way you would a fine wine, giving it time to breathe. Let it fill you in ways of becoming intoxicated by its scent alone.

For information on how you can improve any relationship with Relationship Bootcamp visit: SexHealthDoc.com.