For every thousand hacking at the leaves of
evil, there is one striking at the root.”
Henry
David Thoreau
When it comes to sexual addiction there has never been any conclusive evidence that any of the sexual addiction therapy modalities actually bring about the lasting cure that many are seeking. In other words, many have been hacking at the leaves but far too few are striking at the root.
What if addition therapists were able to help their clients
strike at the root by facilitating a paradigm shift? Stephen Covey wrote in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People that if you want to change
your attitudes and behaviors, Thoreau’s leaves
as it were, then you need to change the paradigms that drive them. Paradigm defined simply means the way you look
at something and/or your way of thinking about it.
First, it is important to understand
the paradigm that drives these sexual obsessive-compulsive behaviors and
attitudes. Zilbergeld wrote in The New Male Sexuality that many boys
are initiated into their sexuality around three enduring tenets that of secrecy,
privacy and impersonal objectification.
In addition, their personal experiences are usually not only enjoyable,
but more pleasurable and satisfying than with their partner.
As an aside, many people wonder
‘why’ this phenomenon is so prevalent and ‘why’ it has become such a
problem. One answer to consider is technology. Whether we like it or want to admit it – the
fact is we are living in a technological epoch.
Computers, smartphones, texting, instant messaging, emails, etc. have
created an environment that reduces the need for face-to-face
interactions. As a result, it would seem
to suggest that our use of technology has not really brought people closer
together physically but electronically.
Adding technology to the mix further
complicates and entrenches your way of thinking about and seeing your sexuality
making it extremely difficult to change.
However, this information helps tease out your sexual worldview that
could provide a cure for those struggling with sexual impulsivity and the
accompanying attitudes that go with it.
Perhaps one paradigm shift that would bring about the desired change
that many are seeking is to view your sexuality that is personal, i.e.
connected, shared and visible in ways that are equally or more pleasurable, fun
and intimate.
The challenge for many people is
bringing about a shift in their thinking that is not forced or coerced but
desired, wanted and sought after. If
this blog speaks to you and your struggles with pornography and you would like to
explore ways to shift your paradigm, visit my "Contact Page" to send me a private email or call me at: 248-906-8301.
