Best communication habit

When it comes to improving the communication in your relationship, there is no better habit than to seek first to understand, then to be understood.  This habit comes from Stephen Covey’s best-seller The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. 

 

Covey said that most people don’t listen to understand but only listen with the intent to reply.  There is a big difference in the way we listen when we are trying to understand the other person versus when we are waiting for the person to stop talking so we can respond.  We run the risk of carrying on monologues instead of dialogues.  It is a true gift to be fully present to another person and let them know you fully understand what has just been said. 

 

When you get really good at this habit – after listening to someone and wanting them to know that you really understood them – you repeat what you heard them say in words better than they could explain it to you.  Remember it’s a habit and will take time and practice, practice, practice to get good at it!

 

 

Why The Past Keeps Interfering With The Present

One item that will come up from time to time in therapy for couples is that one of them claims the other is always bringing up things from the past.  Inevitably one person always questions the purpose of rehashing things and/or why can’t he or she just let it go?  I carefully explain to my clients that the solution is simple but the execution is difficult.  I like to refer my clients to Stephen Covey’s 5th Habit from his world famous The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.  It is learning to Seek First to Understand, Then Be Understood.   I believe the point Covey was trying to make was when we are listening to understand as opposed to responding; we can learn to hear differently what the real issue or issues are.

This is also another way you can acknowledge and validate the other person’s feelings, which I believe will help you and your partner leave the past behind.  When you really master the habit, you will be able to repeat back to your partner what you just understood them to say in words better than they could have explained them to you.  And there in lies the rub, i.e. the execution – because if you allow your emotions to be provoked then the listening stops and the reacting begins.

So if you want to leave the past where it belongs, then remind yourself when you are faced with it in a conversation from someone whom you care deeply for that they are looking for your understanding and not your defense of the situation.

For more information or to work with me please visit SexHealthDoc.com.

Cheat Sheet

6 Ways to Keep Your Relationship Strong!

Everyone seems to have too much to do with not enough time to work on the relationship.  Here’s quick cheat sheet to keep your relationship healthy and strong all year long.

1. Communication - Learn to speak your partners love language - e.g. Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Acts of Service, Gifts or Touch - fill her/his emotional love tank.
2. Respect - Get in the habit of learning to seek first to understand and then be understood - do not interrupt or minimize/dismiss the feelings of your partner.
3. Quality Time - Take time when kissing your partner - do not rush through it but become mindful and enjoy the experience; Touch - become intentional, hold hands, rub each others shoulders, feet, etc.
4. Appreciation - Consider hand writing your partner a thank you note for something special that was done to or for you.
5. Make No Comparisons - Seek opportunities to genuinely compliment your partner on at least a weekly basis.
6. Pick Your Battles Wisely - Always strive for Win/Win or no deal, this is not a competition.

Maybe you noticed that I borrowed from Gary Chapman’s – The Five Love Languages and Stephen Covey’s – 7 Habits of Highly Effective People to suggest fast and easy ways to keep your relationship happy and healthy.  Start today and experience the difference, after all according to the research your relationship is the absolute most important thing in your life.

The 7 Habits of Highly Fit People

If becoming fit is your goal then look no further to learn how to just [as the Nike ads read] do it!  

Becoming fit takes a personal commitment that no one else can do for you.  You can’t get others to eat better for you or exercise or sleep for you – only you can do it for yourself.  As someone who has been more or less fit his entire life, I feel I am somewhat of a subject matter expert on what it takes to get and stay fit.  

First let me preface, I did not come from a family who valued fitness or had “good genes”, but what I did have was determination and a willingness to make smarter choices regarding my overall health.  

As I reflected on those choices, I became keenly aware of some habits that all fit people share.  Borrowing shamelessly from Stephen Covey: The 7 Habits of Highly Fit People are:

1. Get started!
2.  End Goal – weight or waist size or body image?
3. Kitchen first, gym second!
4. Win-Win-Win by balancing nutrition, exercise and rest!
5. Listen to your body – don’t over fuel it or over work it!
6. Learn what others are doing and share what works for you – synergize!
7. Learn as much about nutrition and fitness as you are interested in!

 My goal over the next seven weeks is to give you a little more information about each and everyone of these habits and how they may work for you.  My disclaimer up front is that this is nothing I invented or created.  I just gathered all the information into one place that will help you think through and adopt an attitude of getting yourself fit.  Remember fit is like one of those words such as normal where the definition that can be most helpful is the way in which you define it.  

With all that said, let’s take a look at the first and Get Started! 

GET STARTED

One of the most difficult steps for people to take when they have decided to change to improve their health is the first step.  Taking that first step is one of the biggest obstacles many people face in starting almost anything.  

The first step is about believing you can or as Henry Ford said – “whether you think you can or cannot, you’re right!’  So don’t delay – start today – you’ll be glad you did!  A friend of mine recently reminded me that the toughest piece of equipment to operate in a gym is the front door!   What helped me open that door was not wanting to feel the way I did anymore.  Rather than it being a practical decision, it became an emotional one.

Think about your attitude – do you have the right one to help you GET STARTED?  Attitude is something you choose – no one gives it to you and no one takes it away from you.  So think about how you can choose the best attitude for you that supports the direction you want to take to get into feeling the best about yourself that you have ever experienced.

Once you GET STARTED and you will be glad you did, you might be surprised to see how quickly one good decision leads to another like the laws of attraction always talk about.  You will attract many other healthy habits into your lifestyle just by – you guessed it – GETting STARTED!

To connect with me personally, visit the contact page at SexHealthDoc.com.