Improving your marriage from the time you say ‘I do’

To maintain a happy, healthy relationship, I suggest you concentrate on the small things in your relationship that are often overlooked.  I like to use the metaphor of a garden when describing how husbands and wives can enjoy a lifetime of being connected and close.  You need to work the land - nothing happens if you just plant the seeds.  You need to till the ground, remove the weeds and nourish the soil.  Relationships are the same; they need our attention and nurturing.  

Learn to speak your partner’s love language and perform random acts of kindness.  In all conversations, it is a good practice to seek first to understand, then be understood!  And try not to take each other for granted.  Again it is a good practice to share with your spouse one thing that you are grateful for with her or him.  

The following is a short list of ways to keep intimacy alive and the flame burning brightly between the two of you:

• Every time you kiss your partner – take your time, especially in the morning and in the evening.
• Hold hands in the car, on a walk, while you are shopping.
• Massage parts of your partner’s body – shoulders, arms, back, hands.
• Keep a “play” date on your calendar with your partner and have fun!
• Pick a song that has meaning to your relationship and play it while your holding your partner’s hands and looking into their eyes.
• Consider showering or bathing together – bubbles are your friends!
• Pick a question to ask each other on a daily basis – such as “what are you looking forward to most in your day today?
• Surprise your partner with an affectionate gesture in the quiet moments of your day together.
• The next time you have a conversation with your partner, look into their eyes and pay close attention – do not try to solve anything but just listen.
• Text your partner a thoughtful, even “sweet” message during the day away from him or her.
• Set a scene for intimacy – ditch the cell phone, play some music you both enjoy, light a scented candle.

For more information or to schedule a conversation with Dr. Beiter visit:  SexHealthDoc.com

(Pic from http://true-love.in/i-will-always-love-you-4/)

Whats in your name?

I have a funny story about how I was named.  My parents were good friends with the next-door neighbors on each side of our house growing up and since I was the last of four children born, they decided to name me after the first names of both of the husbands.  What is interesting for me is how I have incorporated what I knew about each man into my life. 

The person for whom my middle name bears was a physically strong and meticulous caretaker of their house and property.  Mr. Walter Hohman taught me how to get physically fit using just my body weight.  One of the feats that I had seen him do as a child was to hold himself parallel to the ground while braced on a pole.  I was so intrigued by his strength that I wanted him to show me to do it.  Together we were successful and the following picture shows my ability to hold that position.

To this day, I believe I remain physically fit due to my association with this wonderful man and the fact that I carry his namesake with me.  Mr. Hohman unfortunately passed away many years ago at a very young age, but I am forever grateful for the time he spent with me and what I learned from our relationship.

My first name comes from the neighbor who was a successful businessman.  Mr. John Campbell was an educated man who rose through the ranks of corporate America.  I followed Mr. Campbell’s path into the business world even though he moved away from our neighborhood when I was a young boy.  I lost touch with him after he had been so gracious as to materialize a vision I had as a 12 year-old.  I wrote about it under a separate blog asking you What Is Your Vision?  Mr. Campbell impacted my life in so many great ways and I am still learning from those teachings today.  I am sure he has no idea as to how he impacted my life but once again, I am forever grateful that he did.

There are many lessons that I want to highlight as I close out this blog, but let me leave you with two.  My parents were insightful as to how naming me after the neighbors would positively impact my life.  As parents you do not need to know how your children will be affected by your decisions only that as long as they are made out of love they will forever benefit them.  Individually, you may not be aware or ever know the impact you have on a person’s life, but do your best to be your best and the world will be greatly enhanced by your presence. 

So what’s in your name?  I would love to hear your story.  Please feel free to share your comments below. 

Read more about Dr. Beiter at SexHealthDoc.com or CrosstheFinishlineCoaching.com.

Vision Essentials - After the Lemon Peeler

One of my favorites topics to talk to other people about is vision.   I know from my own personal experience that having a vision and never losing sight of it is part of the process in realizing it. Take a look at last weeks blog, titled "My Lemon Peeler" and you'll see why.  I have learned some really important lessons about having a vision. 

First, you do not have to worry about how it is going to happen, just don’t lose sight of it. 

Second, you need to keep focused on the vision and not the obstacles you may encounter.  I tell people it’s like learning how to water ski: where you look is where you go, so don’t look down! 

Thirds, is not to worry about the cost of your vision, in many instances it gets paid for by someone other than you.  It’s not like you will not have to make an investment with your time, energy and talents but I am referring to more of a financial one. 

Finally, the last essential piece to obtaining your vision is that it can be helpful to think of your vision from a metaphorical perspective.  It is like asking someone/anyone/everyone for directions [i.e. letting others know where you want to go], if the person you approach is not able to help you then they will usually suggest or lead to someone else that can, but you can never give up or you will never get there.  So keep asking, i.e. letting others know what you want to happen or where you want to go!

For information visit: SexHealthDoc.com or CrossTheFinishLineCoaching.com.

(Picture from Sustainableman.org)