What’s Your Sexual Preference?
BEITER SEXUAL PREFERENCE INDICATOR
This
is the 4th question in my survey and asks:
Do you prefer to:
(A) schedule sexual time well in advance, or
(B) be
open to your sexual urges when you feel them?
This is the first question in the survey that had no gender differences
in the results. The majority of the survey respondents [93%] prefer to be open
to their sexual urges and when it comes to scheduling sex only 7% prefer
it. And yet as a therapist one of the
more frequent issues couples bring to therapy is the lack of sexual time
together. While many people may claim to
want to be open to their sexual urges, just how many actually take the time to
satisfy them? And then there is the question
about misaligned timing – how do you manage when one of you is “in the mood”
and the other is not?
The ‘sexual timing’ disconnect for some couples is what
prevents them from taking advantage of their sexual urges. One of the more common complaints has to do
with timing at the end of the day and the couple not going to bed
together. Another issue deals with how
exhausted one of the partners feels at the end of the day. Many of the women bear the greater share of
responsibility for the house and children while also holding a full time job
leaving little if any energy for sex.
Sometimes people make the assumption as a result of
misaligned sexual urges that one partner has a higher sexual drive than the
other. What it comes down to is
communication. Communicating and talking
it out with each other can successfully resolve most sexual issues between
couples. Learning not to criticize
and/or judge but seeking first to listen to understand and not react will go a
long way in helping reduce conflict in the relationship. Remember to make all your sexual experiences
grounded in pleasure, fun and intimacy.
Talking with your partner about sex should be a very intimate experience
that the two of you share.
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