Many have asked me how I got
started as a sex therapist especially when they discover that my doctorate was
received in clinical psychology. It
always reminds me of a friend of mine who once casually mentioned that there
are defining times in our lives that we are completely unaware of that point us
in the direction we will ultimately head.
For me, that came in my tenth grade English class.
I volunteered to do a book report
with an accompanying class presentation on sex education. Fortunate for me at the time, my oldest
sister had just returned home from college and loaded up the family bookshelves
with her stash of texts and paperbacks.
To prepare for my class project, I decided to read David Rueben’sclassic: Everything You Always Wanted ToKnow About Sex But Were Afraid To Ask.
My approach was to educate my classmates on the seemingly purposeful
lack of information that we received in school, particularly in health
class.
I began my infamous presentation
by posting the following words on the chalkboard: Cunnilingus / Clitoris /
Fellatio. My classmates including the
substitute teacher [a female] remained motionless and made no comment and had
no reaction even when I asked if anyone knew what two of the words meant? In order to facilitate the teachings, I
suggested that the girls in the classroom write down these words, take them
home to mother and ask her to explain, since one was their body part. [I can only humorously imagine what that
conversation would have been like that night for some if they had acted on my
suggestion.]
I continued on without
interruption until I came to my summation point, when I decided it was time to
let them know what I really thought about the public school system and its way
of preparing us for the “sexual world”.
So I stated “You are all going to find out very soon that there is a lot
more to sexual intercourse than a man sticking his penis into a woman’s
vagina.” Needless to say, this
declaration forced the ending of my presentation, everyone in the room was familiar
with those words as the class erupted with an explosion of laughter and the
teacher finally came to life ordering me to cease and desist and take my
seat. Fearful of being suspended from
school, I informed my parents that evening of the day’s events and my father
while doing his best to stifle the laughter, assured me that it would be “fine”
with him as he said, “at least you told them the truth!”
While that event happened over 30
years ago, I personally have not seen much progress in our ability to become
more comfortable with educational matters regarding our sexuality. This realization came at a very high price to
me while completing my doctoral studies.
One may call it déjà vu but 32 years later I was making a presentation
to my classmates involving gender representations of masculinity and femininity
when I was almost terminally expelled from the program after one of the
students had a visceral reaction to a particular way a research participant
chose to display his masculinity. The
school thought it would be “in my best interest” to receive ethics consultation
from a licensed psychologist of their choice at my expense and that failure to
act on this “recommendation” would most assuredly result in my expulsion. I had been advised to “lay low” and let it
blow over and not make an issue of it.
It comes then as no surprise that many people continue to feel
“threatened” by their own sexuality or the discussion thereof.
What I think is interesting to
note and contrast is that in Esther Perel’s – Mating in Captivity – she reveals
that the research has indicated that the United States has the highest rate of
teenage pregnancy of any developed country and scores lowest when it comes to
sex education. One of my attempts then
with this blog is to support my fellow educators and help debunk a lot of the
common myths and misunderstandings in the field of human sexuality.
Connect with me through my Contact page at SexHealthDoc.com for relationship issues, sexual health and more!
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