Values in a Relationship

A client asked me recently to help him understand the value[s] of being in an intimate relationship with a woman and asked me to share my personal view.  I wished I had a tape recorder because he told me that what I said was extremely helpful for him to hear.  He then recapped very clearly and succinctly all the high points I had made.  I found his question very interesting in that I had never really thought about what my values were in my relationship but was willing to answer his request.  

I started by saying what I value most in my relationship with my fiancé was feeling secure and safe enough to be vulnerable with her.  I trust her unquestionably to be able to share my deepest, darkest fantasies and never worry that she is going to judge me.  I think I had more internal issues with being open than she had to accept what I shared.  

I value that we both feel confident, loved and not insecure that we can share openly our comments about other people that cross our paths and whom we find attractive, sexy and yes even stunning.  I value the trust between us and have no reservations in letting her handle our financial position.  

I value my fiancé’s awesome sense of adventure.  I know she is never pushing an “agenda’ to do what she wants to do but desires us to experience life together in ways that are fun and exciting for both of us.  We have an incredible way of snuggling together while we sleep that I truly value and miss when we are separated.  

Lastly, I value how I feel that no one else in my life has “my back” in every important manner more completely and unconditionally than her.  

It is not that we are without our differences but we find ways to be respectful and caring toward each other.  I taught myself a valuable lesson when I see her “pushing me” to get things done.  She is not being mean or nagging but always has my best interest in mind and wants me to be successful.  She works hard for me and I am not sure she knows how much I appreciate and love her for what she has done, and continues to do, for me.  My client thought she should have been there with us to hear what I had to say as he was touched by my words or as he said “how genuine I sounded when speaking about her”.  So…hopefully now she knows!

So take some time and think about it.  What are your values in your relationship and how do you express them to the one you love?

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