BSPI Question 4

What’s Your Sexual Preference?

      BEITER SEXUAL PREFERENCE INDICATOR

This is the 4^th question in my survey and asks:

 Do you prefer to:

(A)   schedule sexual time well in advance, or

(B)   be open to your sexual urges when you feel them?

 

This is the first question in the survey that had no gender differences in the results. The majority of the survey respondents [93%] prefer to be open to their sexual urges and when it comes to scheduling sex only 7% prefer it.  And yet as a therapist one of the more frequent issues couples bring to therapy is the lack of sexual time together.  While many people may claim to want to be open to their sexual urges, just how many actually take the time to satisfy them?  And then there is the question about misaligned timing – how do you manage when one of you is “in the mood” and the other is not? 

The ‘sexual timing’ disconnect for some couples is what prevents them from taking advantage of their sexual urges.  One of the more common complaints has to do with timing at the end of the day and the couple not going to bed together.  Another issue deals with how exhausted one of the partners feels at the end of the day.  Many of the women bear the greater share of responsibility for the house and children while also holding a full time job leaving little if any energy for sex. 

Sometimes people make the assumption as a result of misaligned sexual urges that one partner has a higher sexual drive than the other.  What it comes down to is communication.  Communicating and talking it out with each other can successfully resolve most sexual issues between couples.  Learning not to criticize and/or judge but seeking first to listen to understand and not react will go a long way in helping reduce conflict in the relationship.  Remember to make all your sexual experiences grounded in pleasure, fun and intimacy.  Talking with your partner about sex should be a very intimate experience that the two of you share.

BSPI Test Question 3

What’s Your Sexual Preference?

      BEITER SEXUAL PREFERENCE INDICATOR

This is the third question in my survey and asks:
     3.     Regarding sexual activity, are you usually:
            (A)    the one to initiate, or
            (B)    passive and acquiescing?

This is the first question where a significant difference between male and females emerge.  78% of the men and 40% of the women responded that they are usually the ones to initiate sexual activity.  I personally think that these results raise more fundamental questions than it answers.  For example, are men conditioned to initiate and are women conditioned to be initiated upon?  If the answer to that question is ‘yes’ then what are the cultural, societal and familial messages that are being reinforced?  I noticed that if you combine the total number of respondents that selected ‘(A) the one to initiate’ that the percentages tend to flatten out – meaning that 53% of the survey respondents initiate sexual activity while 47% prefer to be initiated upon.  

Using the survey as a communications tool, have a discussion with your partner as to what his or her preference is, would like it to be shared, is it a major turn-on if your partner pursues you?

Remember the purpose of the survey is to have fun while being intimate with one another and find ways to make it pleasurable for you.

Take the BSPI© to find out more about your own preferences!