This
is the 6th question in my survey and asks:
6.
What
more often rules your desire, your:
(A) emotions,
or
(B) physical
urges?
This is the first question where an almost reciprocating
difference between male and females emerge.
35% of the men and 60% of the women responded that they are ruled by
their emotions. The flip side is that
65% of the men and 40% of the women are motivated by their physical urges. This is one of those questions that you could
interpret through the lens of masculinity and femininity without assigning it
to gender roles. Physical urges are the
realm of the masculine and the emotional urges are that of the feminine.
However, when we think about emotions and how they are
expressed research has suggested that women are more prone to talk about what
they are thinking and feeling and to demonstrate with facial expressions,
gestures and body language. Men on the
other hand have been conditioned to process their emotions inwardly. Some men fear their own emotions considering
them a sign of weakness and therefore bury them in order to protect
themselves. So maybe there is no
surprise in how the numbers of this question shook out.
One last thought on how this question gets answered by men
may have to do with how they are conditioned around sex in general. Bernie Zilbergeld wrote in The New Male
Sexuality that boys come into their sexuality around three prongs: it’s a
secret event; it’s a private event; and it’s impersonal. Whatever starts a boy’s sexual engine is
rarely associated with emotion and relationship other than with oneself. So it would appear the physical connection is
made early on and then is reinforced throughout his formative years.
Again as a reminder using the survey as a communications tool, I suggest you have a discussion with your partner as to his or her response to this question. Really explore your reason for answering the way you did. Is it possible that you see one of theses responses as less valuable than the other and if so why? Make it fun as you inquire and learn more intimate details of your relationship, which should result in more pleasure for the two of you!
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