7. If you were to fantasize about
being with more than one partner, would you prefer to engage with:
(A) all
the participants simultaneously, or
(B) one
person at a time?
This question more than any other has been brought to my
attention as one in which some people have a difficult time answering. The main reason is because some people claim
to not fantasize. Some have even gone so
far to say that they felt like it was cheating on their partner by not being
fully present. I have had couples in
therapy struggle with this when one of them uses fantasy to get turned on while
the other does not. When encountering
this situation, I usually use a metaphor of what it was like playing with your
best friend when you were a kid. When
boys play sports one-on-one like basketball or football they usually pretend to
be someone else to enhance the experience they are having and to add to the
fun. Your friend doesn’t get mad or
upset because you imagine him to be someone else, you play along and imagine
him to be someone else. The bottom line
is that you are still with your best friend enjoying the sport together. You just use your imagination to take you someplace
else and you are taking your best friend along with you – you’re not leaving
them behind or wishing they were someone else in reality.
The men responded that 64% fantasized about engaging with all
the participants and so did 45% of the women.
Since many men follow a pattern of sexuality that was initiated by the
tenets that sex is secret, private, and impersonal [Zilbergeld – The New Male
Sexuality] it would lend support to the majority selecting all the
participants. If partners shared their
results, I wonder how many lively discussions took place after each revealed
her/his preference to by with multiple partners? My guess is that I think there are a few
surprised participants and it is exactly why I wrote the survey to be a communications
tool.
No comments:
Post a Comment