50 Shades of Play!

50 Shades of Play Event

Sweet Lorraine's in Southfield, Michigan on Friday, March 6, 2015  

from 6:00 -9:00 PM 

Sex! This topic polarizes the population!  As Stephen Covey said, " we do not see the world as the world is – we see the world as we are". 

Nothing could be more true when applying this principle to The Fifty Shades of Grey phenomenon that has been sweeping the world.

From my humble position, I find it interesting that there is a huge controversy being raised as the E.L. James trilogy is being prepared for the big screen. Where were these voices when it was just a book selling over 100 million copies and being translated in 52 different languages?

It's intriguing to me that the movie has been labeled pornography by some people believing that the movie romanticizes violence against women. In my recollection, most advocates against pornography have said that it objectifies women in some form of violence or another.  

So why is this anything new? One reason may be that the 50 Shades phenomenon was written by a woman, for women and, THAT the movie is being produced by a woman.

In spite of the controversy, many people find it stimulating and remain curious to learn and safely explore their sexuality.   Bondage Discipline/Dominant Sado/Submissive Masochistic (BDSM) can enhance one's erotic relationship with one's partner by playing with each other’s sexual limits and communicating on deeper levels of intimacy through negotiation of safe, consensual boundaries through power exchanges. 

I invite you to learn more by joining me at Sweet Lorraine’s in Southfield on March 6 where I will discuss in detail how to have fun by safely and comfortable exploring with 50 Shades of Play.

50 Shades break down

Unless you walk with blinders on and have not had access to the Internet or a bookstore then you’ve probably already heard about The 50 Shades of Grey  – with the motion picture release scheduled for Valentine’s Day this year. 

While it has been negatively labeled as “porn for women”, a better way to describe it might be erotica geared toward women.  What’s interesting to note is that words like ‘kink’ and BDSM’ have garnered the nation’s attention.  Granted they are not new concepts but the way they have been presented in the trilogy and promoted through social media has resonated with many people in long term relationships - married or not. 

So what are couples having fun with as a result of the 50 Shades phenomenon?

·       Bondage Play even though many women like the “submissive” fantasies, a lot of couples like sex toys and bondage gear.  Some fun products people have been playing with include: leather floggers, paddles, blindfolds, nipple clamps and Velcro restraints.

·       Fetish tape like the kind that Christian Grey kept in his “Red Room” for tying up Anastasia is easy to use and versatile.  Since the tape sticks to itself [i.e. no adhesive] and you can use it over and over, it can also be used to make temporary clothing like mini-skirts and halter tops plus the added bonus that it comes in really hot kinky colors such as red, black, hot pink and blue.

·       Role plays around power and giving it up to be just used for sex for someone else’s pleasure – giving up the “super-wife” image of being responsible for everything and everyone. 

What have you played with or experimented as a result of the ’50 Shades’ hype?  I would love to discuss the realm of options to help you explore and expand your sex life!  As a Certified Sex Therapist I hold the strictest of privacy policies.  Feel free to shoot me an email at info@sexhealthdoc.com to arrange a time for a confidential conversation.

Why 50 Shades of Grey is so Popular With Women

From my therapeutic practice I see a lot of couples who feel they have become just roommates, as if they are living with their best friend.  So when E. L. James popular trilogy – The 50 Shades of Grey burst on the scene, it was like a breath of much needed, and welcomed, fresh air despite its sometimes controversial subject.   Why is it that this Shades Trilogy has become so wildly popular?  As a Certified Sex Therapist, here are four of my thoughts on that:

 One - Christian, while appearing confident and self-assured, has an inner turmoil that women want to help heal/mend/resolve through their love [a reverse fantasy of sorts where the woman gets to play the heroine]...being super-rich doesn't hurt the mix either :-)

 Two - Many women can and want to relate to the not-so-perfect Anastasia character and through this identification they feel they are granted permission to accept and express their own erotic thoughts, desires and fantasies.  

 Three - The Shades Trilogy has encouraged women to appreciate their own sexual longings and realize that there is no harm in being physically turned-on by the book.  It does not mean they have to act out on their fantasies/desires but feeling turned on by them can be pleasurable all on its own. 

 Four - Many people claim they want a more adventurous sex life – if even in fantasy - and this grants them permission.

Whatever your reason for enjoying the trilogy, I would encourage you to share what you like best about it with your partner and use it as a means to further develop deeper bonds of intimacy with one another.  We will explore sexual fantasy in the next blog.