BSPI Question 22

What’s Your Sexual Preference?

 

This is the 22^nd question in my survey and asks:

 

1. In reading for sexual pleasure, do you more often enjoy

1. erotic fantasy, or [I]

2. real life experiences? [T]

    

   65% of the men and 47% of the women reported that they enjoy reading about erotic fantasy.  53% of the women and 35% of the men prefer to read about real life experiences.  This presents a great opportunity for couples to talk about what in the stories are arousing and to find ways to share in their partner’s excitement.  However, it also represents one of the biggest challenges for couples to share by being vulnerable enough to admit what is going on in your mind.  People fear being judged that if they reveal something they like in a story that their partner thinks is gross or distasteful that they will be viewed negatively.  A suggestion, if you are fearful of being judged negatively, then discuss that with your partner before you go any further.  Speaking of negativity and how it can translate into an unhappy relationship – in the book – The Normal Bar – 74% of the people surveyed around the world reported that the key to building a healthy relationship is to be happy, which translates into positivity!  Your challenge is to look for ways to inject happiness, appreciation and positivity into your relationships.

BSPI Question 21

What’s Your Sexual Preference?

 

This is the 21^st question in my survey and asks:

 

1. Do you prefer to experience  

1. emotional more than physical sexual satisfaction, or

2. physical more than emotional sexual satisfaction?

    

   There was an interesting split in how both men and women responded.  It was reciprocally identical.   60% of the women and 40% of the men prefer an emotional experience while 40% of the women and 60% of the men preferred a physical experience.  The results of this particular item call into question the myths about men thinking that sex is always about being physical and women’s thinking it is always about being emotional.  This represents a real opportunity to open the discussion about our sexual preferences and what the experience is like for our partners without making assumptions.  For example, try asking your partner that if s/he prefers to experience sex physically exactly where in the body do you feel it and just not in the genital area?  If the answer was a preference toward being emotional, again exactly what emotions can you identify?  You can take the answers and use them to enhance, intensify or extend your partner’s pleasure when you know what s/he wants to experience.  It is a fun and intimate way to deepen the bonds of your relationship. 

BSPI Question 20

What’s Your Sexual Preference?

 

This is the 20^th question in my survey and asks:

 

1. When you are trying a new sexual activity, do you like to

1. take your time and mindfully proceed, or

2. jump in and go with the flow?

    

    

   Men and women responded equally to this question.  Approximately one third of the survey respondents want to take their time while the other two thirds want to jump in.  Research has clearly demonstrated that novelty is what keeps things interesting and moving forward in sexual relationships, so it is no wonder that many of the respondents would be interested in trying something new.  Even though the answers clearly indicate that we would like to try something new – how many of you actually make it a practice?  My challenge for you is to try something different once a month or every other month.  For example, you could consider trying anyone of the following or come up with something on your own:

• Read an erotic story to each other and replace the names with your own
• Try a role play where you may even consider dressing up for the part
• Share a fantasy that your partner does not know about
• Watch an erotic movie together
• Take turns blind folding each other and stimulating with different household items like feathers or silks or food stuffs

 

And remember to always make it about – PLEASURE – FUN – INTIMACY!

 

BSPI Question 19

What’s Your Sexual Preference? 

This is the 19th question in my survey and asks: 

 

19. Do you find it 

1. (A) easy to communicate your sexual needs and desires, or [D] 

2. (B) difficult to communicate your sexual needs and desires? [S] 

  

Among women and men only 45% and 52% respectively find it easy to communicate their sexual needs and/or desires.  What makes it so difficult for so many people?  Communication, communication, communication!!! When you research the origins of the word communication what you learn is that it means to ‘make something common’ and ‘sharing’, i.e. make a community. 

One way to explain the difficulties communicating about sex is that the word ‘common’ is subjective.  In other words, not everyone thinks about sex the same way.  Many people identify sex as only intercourse and that can lead to understanding sex as goal oriented and thus performance based.  This represents a real opportunity to start the discussion with your significant other.  Start asking some questions – what does sex mean to you?  What do want to get out of sex?  How can we make sex more pleasurable, fun and intimate?  One of the best ways to get comfortable communicating about sex is to start a dialogue.  You can use my survey to explore and most of all – have fun! 

 To take the BSPI Survey visit:  BSPISurvey.com 

 For the Beiter Sex Intimacy Indicator Survey visit:  BSIISurvey.com

BSPI Question 18

What’s Your Sexual Preference?

      BEITER SEXUAL PREFERENCE INDICATOR

         Found at:  BSPISurvey.com

 This is the 18^th question in my survey and asks:

 

18.  Would you rather have a sexual partner who is

(A)  comfortable with suggesting new ideas, or [A]

(B)  satisfied with the practiced and familiar? [H]

 

We are creatures of habit and the survey responses confirm it!  Over 90% of both women and men are satisfied with the practiced and familiar, with the men slightly more so at 95%.

 

What this says about our sexual relationships is that we can get pretty comfortable in a routine but we should caution ourselves not to get too familiar.  When it becomes too well known it can become boring and eventually may lessen its appeal to be sought after.  We need to learn to refresh our relationships from time to time.  As the survey reminds, not all the time, but in the interest of keeping it vibrant and growing, the relationship will benefit by periodically trying something new. 

 

The caution here is to not take it for granted but to remind each other how much you love and value one another.  I would suggest telling your partner one thing you experienced while being sexually intimate that made the time together special.

  

Men responded A=5 / H=95

Women A=9 /  H=91

 

To take the BSPI Survey visit:  BSPISurvey.com 

 For the Beiter Sex Intimacy Indicator Survey visit:  BSIISurvey.com