Wednesday, December 14, 2016

BSPI Question 4

What’s Your Sexual Preference?


This is the 4th question in my survey and asks:

 Do you prefer to:

(A)   schedule sexual time well in advance, or

(B)   be open to your sexual urges when you feel them?


This is the first question in the survey that had no gender differences in the results. The majority of the survey respondents [93%] prefer to be open to their sexual urges and when it comes to scheduling sex only 7% prefer it.  And yet as a therapist one of the more frequent issues couples bring to therapy is the lack of sexual time together.  While many people may claim to want to be open to their sexual urges, just how many actually take the time to satisfy them?  And then there is the question about misaligned timing – how do you manage when one of you is “in the mood” and the other is not? 

The ‘sexual timing’ disconnect for some couples is what prevents them from taking advantage of their sexual urges.  One of the more common complaints has to do with timing at the end of the day and the couple not going to bed together.  Another issue deals with how exhausted one of the partners feels at the end of the day.  Many of the women bear the greater share of responsibility for the house and children while also holding a full time job leaving little if any energy for sex. 

Sometimes people make the assumption as a result of misaligned sexual urges that one partner has a higher sexual drive than the other.  What it comes down to is communication.  Communicating and talking it out with each other can successfully resolve most sexual issues between couples.  Learning not to criticize and/or judge but seeking first to listen to understand and not react will go a long way in helping reduce conflict in the relationship.  Remember to make all your sexual experiences grounded in pleasure, fun and intimacy.  Talking with your partner about sex should be a very intimate experience that the two of you share.

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