Best communication habit

When it comes to improving the communication in your relationship, there is no better habit than to seek first to understand, then to be understood.  This habit comes from Stephen Covey’s best-seller The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. 

 

Covey said that most people don’t listen to understand but only listen with the intent to reply.  There is a big difference in the way we listen when we are trying to understand the other person versus when we are waiting for the person to stop talking so we can respond.  We run the risk of carrying on monologues instead of dialogues.  It is a true gift to be fully present to another person and let them know you fully understand what has just been said. 

 

When you get really good at this habit – after listening to someone and wanting them to know that you really understood them – you repeat what you heard them say in words better than they could explain it to you.  Remember it’s a habit and will take time and practice, practice, practice to get good at it!

 

 

The 5 Love Languages

                                  

Gary Chapman wrote an amazing and influential book titled – The Five Love Languages.  Ever since I read it, I have applied it both professionally and personally.  I like to think of his methodology as fundamental to being successful in any of your important relationships. 

(Watch an introduction to the 5 Love Languages on my YouTube page!) 

Chapman identified 5 love languages that are essential for any relationship to thrive.  He believed it is vital and crucial to keep each other’s love tank full.  You can liken the tank to the gasoline tank on your vehicle – if you drain it dry – you are going nowhere!  If you empty the love tank in your relationship it stalls and anger and resentment can set in.

 

Chapman claims each of us has a primary love language that we cannot live without.  He identified them as follows:

 

·               Words of Affirmation

·               Quality Time

·               Acts of Service

·               Receiving Gifts

·               Physical Touch

 

He offers a free assessment on his website at www.5lovelanguages.com if you are not sure.  Take the time and learn your partner’s language your relationship will be the better for it.  Call me if you need help with your relationship and you just don’t know where to turn!