10. If you were to fantasize about sexual activity, would you prefer to:
(A) direct the action, or
(B) be directed?
This question might surprise you as to the results and how the women and men prefer to dominate or be dominated. 58% of the men and 25% of the women responded that they wanted to direct the action, i.e. dominate. The flip side is that 42% of the men and 75% of the women wanted to submit by being directed, i.e. be dominated. The surprise comes from what many think of the masculine preference to be in charge and yet the survey indicates that almost half as many men want to be directed. This is one of those questions where I wonder how much scripting along gender lines has an affect on how one answers the questions. As a man are you conditioned to prefer to dominate and as a woman are you conditioned to be the one to be dominated?
The cultural messages are very strong, pervasive and persistent. We tend to think that being dominated is the weaker position, while being dominant is stronger and is linked to the person in charge. However in a consensual sexual relationship where the couple enjoys and gets turned on by power playing, just the opposite is true. [Power Play – two partners decide consciously that one of them will be in charge and that the other will follow, always keeping it safe, sane and consensual.] The person being dominated is the person with all the power and the reason being is because power playing involves safe words. The play is usually about testing one’s sexual limits and the play is stopped if the safe word is invoked. Examples of safe words can be red, stop, pause or whatever you and your partner agree upon.
So if you would like to try something different, which is really a good idea to keep your sexual life healthy [ see previous Blog on Question 8] then you might consider exploring power plays. Remember to keep it safe, sane and consensual and of course make your sex life all about pleasure, fun and intimacy!