7. If you were to fantasize about being with more than one partner, would you prefer to engage with:
(A) all the participants simultaneously, or
(B) one person at a time?
This question more than any other has been brought to my attention as one in which some people have a difficult time answering. The main reason is because some people claim to not fantasize. Some have even gone so far to say that they felt like it was cheating on their partner by not being fully present. I have had couples in therapy struggle with this when one of them uses fantasy to get turned on while the other does not. When encountering this situation, I usually use a metaphor of what it was like playing with your best friend when you were a kid. When boys play sports one-on-one like basketball or football they usually pretend to be someone else to enhance the experience they are having and to add to the fun. Your friend doesn’t get mad or upset because you imagine him to be someone else, you play along and imagine him to be someone else. The bottom line is that you are still with your best friend enjoying the sport together. You just use your imagination to take you someplace else and you are taking your best friend along with you – you’re not leaving them behind or wishing they were someone else in reality.
The men responded that 64% fantasized about engaging with all the participants and so did 45% of the women. Since many men follow a pattern of sexuality that was initiated by the tenets that sex is secret, private, and impersonal [Zilbergeld – The New Male Sexuality] it would lend support to the majority selecting all the participants. If partners shared their results, I wonder how many lively discussions took place after each revealed her/his preference to by with multiple partners? My guess is that I think there are a few surprised participants and it is exactly why I wrote the survey to be a communications tool.